i went to the theatre

I went and saw a friend in a show, the show itself was great, the audience left something to be desired:

If I don’t know your name, but recognize your comb over from other theatre audiences, it’s time to let it go. If you really don’t want to look bald, get a toupee, the comb over is fooling no one.

If you sit in the front row it is your duty to not fall asleep…during both Acts. If you know you’re a sleeper, go sit where everyone can’t see you.

To the talker behind me: Everyone can see it’s a unit set, it takes place in about twelve locations, sometimes two of them at once, so if they are moving pieces around it’s to give the allusion of the area. I don’t need you to keep count how many times they moved various set pieces, the crew did it quick and efficiently, calm yourself down.

To the talkers in the rest of the audience: It's a small theatre, the stage isn't that far away, everyone can hear you, yes especially the people next to you who keep sending death glares your way, and then talk about you openly during intermission. It was an interesting technique that everyone but the people it was intended for understood.